Resilience: Overcoming Adversity with Success

Have you been bullied, rejected, criticized or traumatized?  When I was a child, my grandmother shared her wisdom of bouncing back despite the harsh reality of the suffering in life.  Although she would describe her life as a series of tragic events, those events not only shaped her resilient character but impacted mine as well.  Despite losing her parents and being bullied as a child and undergoing years of raising a family in internment during the war, she was able to persevere like the Daruma doll that held a place on her dresser before she developed dementia and passed.  Her stories of overcoming the odds continue to give me hope and inspiration.

Nana korobi yaoki | Fall down seven times, Get up eight

This Spring set of posts have been designed to bring awareness to overcoming just a few challenging life experiences (e.g., self-injury, alcoholism, dementia, cancer).  We all have our own challenging life experience to share that shapes our character.  This article presents some resiliency strategies to bouncing back from major adversity or trauma. Developing resilience is a personal journey. People do not all react the same to traumatic and stressful life events. An approach to building resilience that works for one person might not work for another. People use varying strategies. The recommendations presented should not replace the role of a qualified health care professional.  If you are struggling through difficult times, it is important to have a strong support network which should include your health care provider.  Many studies show that the primary factor in resilience is having caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance help bolster a person's resilience.

What is resilience?

After the Civil War and following the death of three of his children to spinal meningitis, Dr. Andrew Still, the founder of osteopathy, made it his life work as a physician to discover why certain people succumb to illness while others don't when confronted with the same attack, injury, or exposure to a tragic event.  He found the orthodox medical practices of his day ineffective, and sometimes harmful. Amidst the grieving of his own children as a physician, Dr. Still evolved his medical practice to include the following discovery regarding resilience: the body contains all the elements to maintain health if properly stimulated.  Being resilient doesn't mean going through life without stress or pain but rather being able to work through these difficulties in a healthy manner.  The key is to identify ways that are likely to work well for you as part of your own personal strategy for fostering resilience.

Connect with Self & Others

Encourage a positive self-image.  Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems occurs through willingness to fail before succeeding.  Trusting your instincts and appreciating your gifts and strengths helps build resilience.
Be willing to self-discover. People often learn something about themselves and may find that they have grown in some respect as a result of their struggle with loss. Many people who have experienced tragedies and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self-worth, a more developed spirituality and heightened appreciation for life.
Make connections with trusted individuals. Healthy relationships with close family members, friends or others are important. Accept help and support from those who care about you and will listen to you. Some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based organizations, or other local groups provides social support and can help with reclaiming hope. Assisting others in their time of need also can benefit the helper.

Harmonize with Healthy Values

Avoid seeing adverse events as hopeless problems. You can't change the fact that we all have our challenges and problems arise, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these experiences. Resilience involves adapting to future similar situations by learning from past struggles. Note any subtle ways in which you might already feel somewhat better as you deal with difficult events.
Keep things in perspective. Even when facing very painful events, try to consider the stressful situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
Maintain a hopeful outlook. An optimistic outlook enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.

Integrate Change in your Lifestyle

Take decisive actions. Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would just go away.
Accept that change is a part of living.  Certain goals may no longer be attainable as a result of adverse situations. Maximize your potential by accepting circumstances focusing on circumstances that you can alter.
Move toward your goals. Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly — even if it seems like a small accomplishment — that enables you to move toward your goals. Instead of focusing on tasks that seem unachievable, ask yourself, "What's one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"

We can all be the change we want to become.  

It is just a matter of having the strength and courage to rise to the challenge knowing there will be struggles and obstacles along the way.  In order to succeed, we must be willing to fall down and get back up.